Thoughts. 

1.24.2022
We are a blended family. When I hear this term, it creates a word picture fo
r me.
I mean, smoothies are blended, 
margaritas are blended... at this point I feel like we are more of a fancy parfait. We are made of lots of layers; some are smooth, some are nutty, most of the layers are sweet, but can get sour if not enjoyed in the proper context...sounds kind of tasty, doesn't it? If there is one thing I know about this beautiful creation of a family, it's that I wouldn't change a thing about "us" and I love every single layer. 

I come to the river...lay my burdens down...gonna let it wash over me, til my peace can be found....

I want to live

I want to love

With all that I am

Everything that I do

I want to live

I want to love 

And worship You

                       sittin' on my back porch....watchin' the sun go                                                 down...
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February 27, 2018 -

 

I've never stopped loving you; for you are love to me - eternal and pure, vulnerable and true. You are light and darkness all bound together. You make me laugh and cry in the very same song. 

        10.17.18

Here in the secret place

I come to you

On bended knee

I come to you

To see your face

To know your heart

Here in the secret place

I come to you

December 15,2017-Sue Monk Kidd said, "Never underestimate the power of a dismissed dream. I think there must be a place inside of us where dreams go and wait their turn."

 

This is speaking so much to me lately! I dismissed so many dreams in my life after my divorce and subsequent "train wreck." I thought my dreams of a happy life would be forever out of my reach, because life was so fractured and I felt shattered. 

Little by little I feel the need to call out to those dusty and cob-webbed dreams that have been stowed away deep inside of me. All those hopes, dreams and goals that have been buried under years of shame and neglect. 

 

Sunday dinners, family Christmases, singing & performing, a college degree, writing....I am calling out to you. Places, please...You're on next.  

March 20, 2017-  Fear is the enemy of my soul; a thief that comes to steal, destroy and render me useless, powerless and paralyzed. I know that “perfect LOVE casts out fear.” That’s the kind of love I want. I want that perfect love to infuse courage within me and throw this fear right off the edge of the canyon inside my heart.

it's a good life

April 18, 2017 - Had an epiphany today...No matter how long it's been since you've experienced a train wreck - you will never not see it in your mind's eye, and you will never not feel it in your heart. The wounds can be staggering and they are always life-altering. Some wounds are still very much in sight - others are hidden but still tender to the touch.

Be kind and generous - for you never know what kind of wreckage a person is living through.

October 6, 2017 –

We are all, each and every one of us, a combination of broken pieces. I wouldn’t change a thing – I’ve lived so much of my life looking backwards and second guessing just about everything…and today I find a freedom in the present to simply be. I choose to be thankful. I choose to be optimistic. I choose to forgive; myself and others. I choose to be here, looking forward, being present and awake. I choose to look at all those broken pieces of my life, through eyes of love and adoration, rather than eyes of scorn or pity or any other negative filter. I choose to be brave and to love with all my soul – including just now, myself.

1.12.2022

The trick about dreams and following them, is to stay on the path even when that path starts getting long, tiresome, or dull. I need to believe in my dreams enough to stay on the path even when my innermost self is crying, "Let's get off this path and get onto his path, or this other path - it looks much better than this one...." When you have ADHD, staying on any path is difficult. Don't give up on your dreams, even when you fear that they aren't "producing" results that you expected. It's like planting a field of wildflowers - the seeds must stay under the earth for some time to germinate and grow. What comes out of the ground is out of our control. It takes time and diligence to keep watering, keep allowing the sun to do it's work and finally - to wait.